it's 8:26 am and i'm a 100 miles from my bed, or it only seems so, my eyes are heavy and my heads leaning towards an earth shattering headache. i have a doctor's appointment at 11:00 am and i have 3 hours to kill, they seem to be passing by at an agonizing slow pace. i feel tortured and lost [<-- i've been told i have a flare for the dramatic].

i'm in an familiar place, surrounded by cool greys and strange people, engrossed into thier computer screens, as am i [only for the sake of not staring, seeming weird and offensive or just plain bored]. two maps hang on the far wall to remind me i am "here," adjacent to a wall with 5 little black and white photographs horizontally aligned, each less interesting than the first, they don't seem to be hang for creative amusement or inspirations sake, rather as sentimental drivel. poted fabric plants in unrealistic vibrant colors postioned at the window  sill, behind me, serve as a tacky finish for a suite of sterility, every grem prosecuted with due process.

i figure by writing a description of my less than entertaining surroundings, i may quicken the time and be home in another blink, after a check-up and reassurances that as feared i am indeed as healthy as a horse [this statement will be made with the assumption horses are indeed healthy]. sadly, only 14 minutes have passed.

  --   i'm looking for simplicity, it's all serendipity to me

[this entry was originally posted at 9:04 am]

it's a shocking bit of footage
viewed from a shitty tv screen
you can squit at it
just snow and static
to make out the meaning
and keep on stretching the antenna
hoping that it will come clear

i may have an unnatural addiction to television. i mean sure people get addicted to tv, amongst other things, but they usually enjoy watching what they do. i, on the other hand, don't even enjoy watching it most of the time. i watch because i have to, i need to or because i'd be terribly bored if i don't. what’s even more disturbing is that i usually am bored watching tv, anyway. i just don't know what to do with myself.

we need some reception
a higher message
just to tell us what we fear

  --  method acting

[written on may 13, 1:53 am]

there's something about not having time that inspires me, to waste it.  something so appealing, i could do what i'm not supposed to all day. between exam week, class, study sessions, i get this urge to be creative, to write, draw, and read these fabulously unimportant books [that are must reads to any avid reader] in record time. yet, with all the time in the world on my hands, i just sit. some times i get inventive and  maybe even sleep or sulk and yawn and slink from one uninspiring mind frame to another. i've been off since wednesday, and contemplating summer school for the sake of actually doing something this summer. yes, i'm that bored and don't want to be present during the ever so common nag hour. also, if i do attend the summer semester i'll be able to explain my usual tired sluggish impoverish self by the ever so tiring, tragically draining wrath of education and classes.  

  --  barely afloat, drowing in boredom

[written on may 10, 11:37pm]